Monkey Business
by donutsweeper
Summary: What happened to Rodney wasn't remotely funny. Really. It wasn't funny at all...


The animal was very small, the tawny brown fur of its head barely higher than the coffee mug sitting on the table next to the desk where it had made its home. It was only when it peered around the mug that Sheppard could see the now familiar white marks on either side of its mouth and the white, vertical line on its quivering nose as it jutted its chin out at him defiantly. It stared accusatorially up at Sheppard, not blinking and it chittered and chattered, almost angrily, from the safety of its hiding spot.

Having been subjected to much worse in his life, Sheppard ignored the noise and glares. Actually, he ignored the creature entirely as he leaned up against the door frame in a comfortable slouch. "Any luck so far, Radek?"

"Ah, Colonel, you have returned." Radek didn't look annoyed by the question, even though the answer was obviously 'no' since Sheppard could see for himself that the machine hadn't been turned on and Rodney had not yet been transformed back into a human. In fact Radek looked almost happy and he went back to muttering softly to himself as he ran more computations through the computer program.

"Rodney been giving you any trouble?" Sheppard reached over to offer Rodney a small piece of a blue Athosian melon and was very careful not to laugh at the haughty indignation he got from the little creature in return.

"You mean more than usual? No." Rodney trilled loudly at that, but considering how Rodney usually acted in the lab it was an almost unnoticeable reaction. "We have been able to ascertain that Rodney has indeed been transformed into a creature that is rather similar to Earth's pygmy marmoset with only minor variations."

Sheppard ducked the melon rind and pencil that Rodney threw at Radek and sat down on one of the stools. "You ascertained that the creature is Rodney or that he is a marmoset? Because, since we saw him change I kind of assumed it was Rodney."

"Ah, I should clarify, I meant that the latter. Although, it was also important to confirm the former; there was the slightest of possibilities that the bright flash of light was a transporter beam instead of being the result of a transformation."

"What about the device? Do we have the go ahead to turn it back on?"

"Mr. Woolsey does not believe it is wise until we have determined the range and the exact setting which will reverse the process. It would be unfortunate if we were to accidentally transform him into yet another creature."

Sheppard rubbed his chin with the back of his hand and lazily drawled, "I don't know, it might be interesting to see what else he would turn into."

Radek looked up from his work, eyebrows high. "I had not considered that. It is true that a pygmy marmoset does seem an unusual choice for someone of Rodney's size and mass."

Swallowing a snicker at the emphasis Radek placed on 'size' and 'mass,' Sheppard added, "Exactly, I mean, why a pygmy marmoset? Why not a cow? Or a badger?"

Rodney's ringed tail swished furiously at that, knocking several pens and piles of paper to the floor, and let loose a high, sharp whistle before stalking off to the small bed they'd created out of a box and some blanket scraps. He burrowed in and managed to get his head covered but leave his rear exposed and pointing in Radek and Sheppard's general direction. The two men looked at each other and grinned in response.

"Perhaps the choice of marmoset was made in respect to the volume in which the creature is able to vocalize its displeasure at the turn of events?" Radek suggested as he rubbed his temple with a sigh.

"Has he had any of the docs come to check him out? You think he's doing all right? Or as all right as he can be under the circumstances?" Sheppard amended.

"I believe him to be fine. Several doctors have arrived but Rodney was quite firm in his refusal to submit to an examination by any of them other than Doctor Keller. It would be fair to say he was quite anxious to allow her to take his temperature."

"I'll just bet," Sheppard muttered before raising his voice enough to be certain Rodney would be able to overhear, "And just how carefully did she examine him?"

"She appeared to be quite thorough. I believe she told him his fur was very soft." They both looked over at Rodney's bed as he gave off a set of dreamy clicks half muffled by the blankets.

"Out of curiosity, how was she holding him?"

Radek pursed his lips as he considered the question. "She had him cupped in the palm of her hand at first, but later he was pressed against her... Oh, I understand why you asked that now."

"Maybe being a marmoset isn't so bad after all, eh, Rodney?"

Rodney poked his head out to glare at Sheppard, his back arched and tail raised in a stiff arch.

"I do not believe he agrees with you."

Sheppard laughed. "Probably not. Sorry, Rodney." Rodney didn't look a bit appeased by the half-hearted apology but gave a soft trill and sank back down, leaning his head against the edge of his box.

Sheppard sighed. "I hate to say this, but he looks so pathetic like that I'm starting to wish I'd argued harder to be the one to turn on the device instead of him."

"He was quite animated in his insistence that the honor of activating the recently discovered ancient equipment fall to him," Radek pointed out.

"Well, yes. But still," Sheppard trailed off as he waved his hand in Rodney's direction.

"Yes. I do understand. But it should not be much longer before we have decoded enough of this data that we can attempt to reverse the transformation."

"I'm off duty until the morning, need a second set of eyes?"

"That would be much appreciated, Colonel."

"Let me go grab some coffee for us first. Back in five." Sheppard stood and turned to go but an undignified squeak halted him in his tracks and he raised an eyebrow at Rodney's outburst. "Hey Radek," Sheppard said, pausing in the doorway, "Do you think marmosets drink coffee?"


End file.
